Although there are some elements of truth in that, I realized that it was not serving me any longer because even though I would set some monstrous and obnoxious goals, and I’d have a plan to get there, my plan was not as hyper-specific as it needed to be. As a result, I would only get to my goal sometimes. And at other times, I would only get two-thirds of the way, or even fail outright.
I realized that when I did not get to those goals I would get really angry and upset. And I wanted to know what it was that was making me so mad. I then realized that I built my identity around achieving goals. And that got me thinking that I would not be happy with myself if I did not hit those massive goals. To remedy that, I need to do one of three things:
- I need to change the way I set goals.
- I need to change my behaviors so that I only set big goals if I have a one to five-step process to know specifically, and tangibly, how to get there. And I need to know the tangible benefits on which I need to execute. (I am reading the book Tiny Habits, which is the underlying research that got done for the book Atomic Habits.)
- I need to change my identity. In changing your identity, it’s more about the association you have about yourself, regardless of whether you achieve your goal or not.
If you are in a repeated pattern of feeling pain as a result of not achieving your big goals, you need to ask yourself those three questions to help you understand what you need to do to right the ship and be happy with the impact that you would like to make on the world. You might be surprised with the answers you come up with!
If you are trying to do something repeatedly and you keep failing, and you find yourself having an adverse reaction to it, it is not always a bad thing because pain causes you to change.
If you are unhappy during the process of setting massive goals, it is not worth it.
In the book Tiny Habits, the author talks about how achieving goals comes back to habits. Your habits should get based on motivation, ability, and prompts. He explains that many people think they are struggling with a motivation problem when it is actually an ability problem or a prompt problem with which they are struggling. Those get designed around making habits simple and then escalating the results of having done that.
Links and resources:
Books mentioned:
Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything by Ph.D. BJ Fogg
Atomic Habits by James Clear
